With the wide range of suicides happening in our country due to bullying, I began to think about the past.
No matter what clique you were in during high school, chances are there was another clique you looked at and said "hey, I want to be like them", "omg, they dress hideously", "so and so has 'issues'", etc. Looking back at my high school days, here are the "cliques" I remember running around - and the weird thing is, with only 99 kids in my graduating class, lots of kids were in multiple cliques. I don't know if that was the norm everywhere else, but it was for my school.
There were the guy jocks, who thought they were the shit. They walked around with their football jerseys on, and worked on intimidating those around them.
There were the girl jocks, who, although they seemed nice, they would talk about your horrible performance at the track meet when they thought you weren't looking.
There were the band geeks, who learned that changing on the same bus with members of the opposite sex could be fun.
There were the musical geeks, who ended up just messing around back stage and in the audience during practices. Many of these students believed their shit didn't stink, and they were often talking about others and how they "didn't deserve that part".
There were the brainy kids, who had their heads in books all of the time, and didn't care about what was going on around them.
There were the nerdy guys, who practically peed their pants when a girl they liked came anywhere near them.
There were the nerdy girls, who tried to find love no matter where it was.
Then you have the posers, the dreamers, the ones with "issues", the teasers, the bullies, and every other stereotype out there.
I have now been out of high school for almost 9 years, and I've realized how absolutely distorted our pasts are. We all had this warped idea that everyone fit into a mold, and would stay the same until they were 104.
I'll be honest - if you know me, you know that I had some "issues" in high school. Yep, I was one of those people. I attempted suicide, cut myself, and wished that I was a "cool kid". I tried so hard to be liked, to fit in, and to be what other people wanted me to be. These "issues" were ridiculed, pointed out, and used against me, even by parents of fellow students. Although I had a diagnosable and treatable illness, the misconceptions of that illness followed me everywhere. It made it hard for me to go to school, or to even function in my small town - the same town that I loved up until then.
Even though I myself was ridiculed, I also ridiculed other people. I was not immune to the viciousness that circulates high schools. I remember distinctly teasing students who were different than myself. I remember teasing a girl who obviously hadn't washed her hair in multiple days. For someone who was teased, I certainly teased others with as much furor as those who teased me. It was a vicious cycle.
After graduation, I peaced out - I never wanted to go back to that town. There, everyone knew I had "issues". I started college, and realized that I indeed was "ok". People liked me for who I was, and I didn't have to change myself for other people. I grew up. I still couldn't go back to my hometown without having a panic attack (thanks, Post Traumatic Stress!), but I was getting there. I kept thinking, "HA, I bet some people didn't even get OUT of that town!". I refused to go to my 5 year reunion, thinking that it was just going to be a re-hash of gossip, whispers, and teasing.
Fast forward some years. The monster that is Facebook arrived in 2004(ish), and it exploded. First, I was friends with only college friends, then Michael's college friends, then I got a friend invite from someone from HS.
As time has gone on, I've been able to not only see myself grow, but those I stereotyped? I've seen them grow and thrive as adults as well. Many have families, husbands, careers, dogs, cats, deaths, divorces, and family scandals. Some have found God, some have found pot, and some have become political activists. Some have gone to war, others to college, and some started their own business. Those people that I thought were the most beautiful or the nicest are actually not all that pretty or not all that nice. Some of the nerdy ones are the most successful; some of the most popular are doing great things for less fortunate populations; some of the meanest are actually now fighting for the little guy.
My point, after all this, is that our past is distorted. We see what we want to see. We sometimes continue to feel what we felt when we go somewhere from our past. Thankfully, I can now go to my hometown without all the panic, but I would prefer to just avoid it. I realize that I teased others, and feel guilty how I projected my own insecurities onto other people. I'm not sure what happened to the girl I teased about her hair, but it left a big impact on me - but probably not as much as I made on her. I hope that she is doing alright.
Now, almost a decade later, I am able to objectively look at my entire high school and say "I really hope they are doing well for themselves". I realize that not going to my 5 year reunion was probably a good idea, but that it would also be good for me to go to my 10 year reunion.
As much as I still want to be bitter towards situations that happened, I remind myself that I'm a pretty changed person - and so is everyone else. We've all had those big moments: the cringe-worthy ones; the life-changing ones; the exciting ones; the sad ones.
Everyone who bullied others were bullied by someone. Everyone who was bullied also bullied someone. We all had our doubts, fears, and bad moments. We were all at the same level - just no one told us that.
As we move through the rest of our lives, we have a responsibility to pay our experiences forward - stop bullying, and be a good example to our children. There should be no excuse for an adult to bully someone else - and we should treat our children the same.
Positive thoughts to those who have lost someone due to bullying, and to those who are still working through the scars of bullying. I hope you can get past it soon.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
10 Guilty Pleasures
I was thinking the other day about embarrassing guilty pleasures that not many people know about me. Common, we all have them, and I'm sure that we all have those guilty pleasures that would make other people think "Wha the wha?". I have nothing else better to do today, so I am getting my list together:
10. I will watch an America's Next Top Model Marathon no matter when it is on, or what channel it is on, or how many times I have seen it. There is nothing like seeing a bunch of immature wanna-be-models duke it out, cry, and backstab each other. Awesome TV.
9. I love playing video games. I know that I say it is to spend more time together, but I really also like playing by myself. I needed a "me" day yesterday - and that included 7 hours of video games. The day was needed and well deserved, which is why I am in a much better place emotionally and physically this week. Sweet.
8. People watching - I love it. But usually it's for things like counting the number of mullets or the amount of people who don't dress for their body type. I know, but really, I'm an equal opportunity judger. And if you think "Oh my!!" and that I am a horrible person, just ask yourself this - when was the last time you judged someone? If you say never, you are a liar. The end.
7. This may not be a huge secret, but I love calling people out on their bullshit. Sometimes people are taken aback, but that's who I am. I own it. If I sugar coat something, it's only a little bit. I think this is why I love being on Baby Center's Debate Team so much. The good this is that I won't say anything on those message boards that I wouldn't say in real life.
6. I like researching spirits, energies, auras, and astrology. I like meditating, yoga, and all those "weird" and "wakadoo" things. They are so complex and interesting!
5. I'm gonna be honest - one of my favorite guilty pleasures is illegal. No, not prostitution. No, not murder. Maybe MJ. Just sayin. Legalize that stuff, please! Then I can do it recreationally without worrying about it showing up on a drug test. Or that whole jail thing. The gubberment can even tax it and get us out of debt. Win.
4. My blog = guilty pleasure. (Ok, it is, but I didn't have anything to write from number 4. So sue me.)
3. I am obsessed with the show "Bones". It's really kind of dumb (I mean, really, can they get together already?), but when I discovered it on Netflix, I was hooked. The last couple weeks of pregnancy was so great because I got to lay on the couch and watch 4 seasons of "Bones". Alas, crap like that doesn't happen anymore.
2. I love to jam out to show tunes in the car, shower, or at home by myself and imagine myself on stage. I know, dumb, but this stems from my childhood ways of doing the same thing. If anyone actually saw me doing this, I would be completely mortified. I'm sometimes hardcore about it.
And finally...
1. Watching Lisa Lampenelli specials. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit it, as she is indeed the "Queen of Mean", and bases all of her material on social, physical, and economical stereotypes. Maybe that's why I think it is so funny - because I know that I shouldn't be laughing, but I am anyway. I also know that no one is safe from her stand-up, and I know that she does what she does to highlight the idiocy of stereotypes. At least I try to think that. She's just.so.funny. Some may be shocked by this - that is why I just keep it to myself!!
Naomi Update!!
Naomi did great on the flight to home and back to Vegas!! I was so proud of her. We sat by a crabby lady on the way there, but Naomi got her revenge when she just stared at her without smiling for 80% of the flight. HA. Eat it, lady. I'll get photos and videos of the trip up soon.
She's also sitting up on her own now, though we still put the Boppy pillow right behind her so she doesn't bump her head when she falls over. She's eating lots of baby food these days - green beans are her favorite. She turned 6 months a couple of weeks ago, and weighed 17.5 lbs. This girl is growing!
Michael's long hours are starting to kick in, and I think that we are really ready for it. We'll make it through this for sure!
And I'm out. I should probably get back to work, yes? Oops.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Hurry!
Naomi and I will be trekking back to St. Louis, Mo and Petersburg, Il in a couple of weeks, and I am scrambling to discover the best way to safely and efficiently travel on a nearly 4 hour flight with a 6 month old by myself. I'm sure it will be interesting - I'll have to blog about our adventures when we get back.
Anyway, while I was thinking about this massive process, I mentioned to Michael that Naomi and I were going to stay on the plane until everyone had removed themselves so we don't have to fight "traffic".
As I was mentioning this, I came to this question: Why is it necessary for ALL passengers to rush for the exits once a plane has landed? Do we not realize that we all really, truly will get off the airplane at one point or another?
For that matter, why is it that in most "group" situations - movie theaters, concerts, planes, meeting famous people - people are in a rush to get to where they are going? Are we all really in that big of a hurry? I don't really think so.
Is this an American problem, or does this happen in other cultures too? Is it just the American public that does everything fast, wants everything immediately, and don't take a second to stop and smell the roses?
Take a moment. When was the last time you just stopped and actually relaxed? No TV, no electronics of any kind (maybe some music - whatever). Maybe a book? Talking with an old friend? Hanging out by the pool?
As my life has gotten busier and busier, I've been looking for ways to really and truly take a moment out each day and just be. I don't think that people just look at things and say, "I don't have to do that right now - the world will not end if that isn't done".
Since I've had Naomi, I've discovered myself thinking a lot about death, and the mortality of our beings. I'll see my family laughing together (or napping together, as of recently), and think how in just a brief moment can drastically change everything. I try to find something little every day to fulfill the requirement of taking a moment to breathe. My favorite activity is sitting with Naomi for awhile before she goes to bed in a recliner and singing songs together. Dinner, dishes, and homework can wait - time needs to be taken out for just her and I.
What matters to me is that society needs to stop hustling around - pushing and shoving our way through life - and stop to reflect on how to improve our lives and the lives of people around us. How great would it be if people started doing that?
To bad you have to go to another continent to observe this type of behavior in a society.
(PS - I wrote this blog while watching 'The Men Who Stare At Goats'. Dumb movie.)
(PPS - Naomi's going to be getting teeth soon, as evidenced by her ever growing screaming fits. She got her lung capacity from her mamma.)
Anyway, while I was thinking about this massive process, I mentioned to Michael that Naomi and I were going to stay on the plane until everyone had removed themselves so we don't have to fight "traffic".
As I was mentioning this, I came to this question: Why is it necessary for ALL passengers to rush for the exits once a plane has landed? Do we not realize that we all really, truly will get off the airplane at one point or another?
For that matter, why is it that in most "group" situations - movie theaters, concerts, planes, meeting famous people - people are in a rush to get to where they are going? Are we all really in that big of a hurry? I don't really think so.
Is this an American problem, or does this happen in other cultures too? Is it just the American public that does everything fast, wants everything immediately, and don't take a second to stop and smell the roses?
Take a moment. When was the last time you just stopped and actually relaxed? No TV, no electronics of any kind (maybe some music - whatever). Maybe a book? Talking with an old friend? Hanging out by the pool?
As my life has gotten busier and busier, I've been looking for ways to really and truly take a moment out each day and just be. I don't think that people just look at things and say, "I don't have to do that right now - the world will not end if that isn't done".
Since I've had Naomi, I've discovered myself thinking a lot about death, and the mortality of our beings. I'll see my family laughing together (or napping together, as of recently), and think how in just a brief moment can drastically change everything. I try to find something little every day to fulfill the requirement of taking a moment to breathe. My favorite activity is sitting with Naomi for awhile before she goes to bed in a recliner and singing songs together. Dinner, dishes, and homework can wait - time needs to be taken out for just her and I.
What matters to me is that society needs to stop hustling around - pushing and shoving our way through life - and stop to reflect on how to improve our lives and the lives of people around us. How great would it be if people started doing that?
To bad you have to go to another continent to observe this type of behavior in a society.
(PS - I wrote this blog while watching 'The Men Who Stare At Goats'. Dumb movie.)
(PPS - Naomi's going to be getting teeth soon, as evidenced by her ever growing screaming fits. She got her lung capacity from her mamma.)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
And We're Back to School!
The school year has finally hit, and the extra traffic pisses me off. First, I don't care that you are 12 years old and have a BMW. Please stay off my ass as we drive into the parking garage. And, yes, I see that you, a student, parked in a staff parking spot. I want to punch you in the face.
Now that's out of the way. Good.
I really, really like working with students - for the most part. So many students that I have worked with over the last few months have been kind, thankful, and work hard. Of course, they are overshadowed by a-holes who yell at me because they have to pay out of state tuition. First, don't get pissed at me because you assume that since you moved here, you are suddenly entitled to in state tuition. It doesn't work that way, princess. Second, don't have your parents call me because they will "talk me into it". Please. Do your own talking.
While I like working with students, those with an elitist attitude makes me want to put a fork in my eye. My job is not to fix everything for you. My job is to help you succeed by giving you resources across campus. If I can, I'll make phone calls on your behalf - but not if you are giving me attitude. I'm sorry that you dropped your class after the drop date. I'm sorry you have to pay for it now, and get a W on your transcript. BUT, you are an ADULT. If you could act like one, and familiarize yourself with policies that are clearly posted, it would make everyone's life easier.
I'm frustrated at work. Obviously. But, each day, you have to get up, and say "I'm going to have a good attitude today. How am I going to make this day great?". When I don't feel that way in the morning, I might as well take a personal day, because me being there wouldn't be fun for anyone. Luckily, I don't hit those days very often. It's all good, though - I have a job that pays pretty well, I like who I work with (for the most part), and they are flexible when Naomi is sick. These are all good things, and I need to remember that each day.
Umm, what else? Naomi is about to roll over - but she's taking her sweet time. We started implementing rice cereal 3 times a week at night so she can get used to it. She hates it, and spits it out. It was cute at first - seriously - but I can see the process frustrating me in the future. It's one of those things that I have to take a deep breath and remember that these moments won't last forever, and I will miss them one day.
The further I get into motherhood, the more I get pissed off about people making it sound like it's all about unicorns farting rainbows. I know I've been through this before - I just felt like saying it again. Yep, I can do that. It's my blog. Ha.
Random thoughts for the week:
1. Has anyone else noticed that America's Got Talent has been going on way too long? Choose a winner, thanks.
2. I started classes for a Mental Health and Developmental Disability certification at CSN this week. All my courses are online, so yay!
3. Along with #2, I decided about 6 months ago that I am going to go back to get to school for my Masters in Social Work. I can go half time while working so I can get it 70% off (YES please). I won't start for a couple more years, so in the meantime, I'm getting a certification or an AA degree (I know, I did it backwards - BA, Masters, then AA. Whatever.)
4. People with nice cars (BMW, Jaguar, etc) piss me off, because let's be honest, you are just shoving it in people's faces that you have a lot of money. Sorry if that is judgemental - but again, my blog, my rules.
5. My kid is ginormous, but she is eating less than she should be. How does that work?
6. I am so tired of Sharon Angle vs. Harry Reid. I'm voting for Fred Flinstone.
7. I still like my husband.
8. I'm tired of my dog jumping on my head at 3:45 a.m., but I don't have the heart or the sanity to put her in a cage. I know, I'm a softie.
9. Some people should not be on HD shows. Sir, you look 100 years old and you are wearing lipstick.
First UNLV tailgate this weekend - sweet! Then Labor Day celebration on Sunday at Mary's. I have Monday off, but Michael doesn't - sad panda. I'll be playing video games while Naomi is napping, though!
I must go do my homework now. Is it sad that I am excited about doing homework again? I'm sure it will go away within the next couple of weeks.
Until next time - in the meantime, ponder this thought: "How did someone come up with the name 'Platypus'?" Talk amongst yourselves.
Now that's out of the way. Good.
I really, really like working with students - for the most part. So many students that I have worked with over the last few months have been kind, thankful, and work hard. Of course, they are overshadowed by a-holes who yell at me because they have to pay out of state tuition. First, don't get pissed at me because you assume that since you moved here, you are suddenly entitled to in state tuition. It doesn't work that way, princess. Second, don't have your parents call me because they will "talk me into it". Please. Do your own talking.
While I like working with students, those with an elitist attitude makes me want to put a fork in my eye. My job is not to fix everything for you. My job is to help you succeed by giving you resources across campus. If I can, I'll make phone calls on your behalf - but not if you are giving me attitude. I'm sorry that you dropped your class after the drop date. I'm sorry you have to pay for it now, and get a W on your transcript. BUT, you are an ADULT. If you could act like one, and familiarize yourself with policies that are clearly posted, it would make everyone's life easier.
I'm frustrated at work. Obviously. But, each day, you have to get up, and say "I'm going to have a good attitude today. How am I going to make this day great?". When I don't feel that way in the morning, I might as well take a personal day, because me being there wouldn't be fun for anyone. Luckily, I don't hit those days very often. It's all good, though - I have a job that pays pretty well, I like who I work with (for the most part), and they are flexible when Naomi is sick. These are all good things, and I need to remember that each day.
Umm, what else? Naomi is about to roll over - but she's taking her sweet time. We started implementing rice cereal 3 times a week at night so she can get used to it. She hates it, and spits it out. It was cute at first - seriously - but I can see the process frustrating me in the future. It's one of those things that I have to take a deep breath and remember that these moments won't last forever, and I will miss them one day.
The further I get into motherhood, the more I get pissed off about people making it sound like it's all about unicorns farting rainbows. I know I've been through this before - I just felt like saying it again. Yep, I can do that. It's my blog. Ha.
Random thoughts for the week:
1. Has anyone else noticed that America's Got Talent has been going on way too long? Choose a winner, thanks.
2. I started classes for a Mental Health and Developmental Disability certification at CSN this week. All my courses are online, so yay!
3. Along with #2, I decided about 6 months ago that I am going to go back to get to school for my Masters in Social Work. I can go half time while working so I can get it 70% off (YES please). I won't start for a couple more years, so in the meantime, I'm getting a certification or an AA degree (I know, I did it backwards - BA, Masters, then AA. Whatever.)
4. People with nice cars (BMW, Jaguar, etc) piss me off, because let's be honest, you are just shoving it in people's faces that you have a lot of money. Sorry if that is judgemental - but again, my blog, my rules.
5. My kid is ginormous, but she is eating less than she should be. How does that work?
6. I am so tired of Sharon Angle vs. Harry Reid. I'm voting for Fred Flinstone.
7. I still like my husband.
8. I'm tired of my dog jumping on my head at 3:45 a.m., but I don't have the heart or the sanity to put her in a cage. I know, I'm a softie.
9. Some people should not be on HD shows. Sir, you look 100 years old and you are wearing lipstick.
First UNLV tailgate this weekend - sweet! Then Labor Day celebration on Sunday at Mary's. I have Monday off, but Michael doesn't - sad panda. I'll be playing video games while Naomi is napping, though!
I must go do my homework now. Is it sad that I am excited about doing homework again? I'm sure it will go away within the next couple of weeks.
Until next time - in the meantime, ponder this thought: "How did someone come up with the name 'Platypus'?" Talk amongst yourselves.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Back in Action
I miss my BabyCenter friends. I don't frequent BabyCenter to share ideas on parenting, trade information on best practices, or any of that other crap. No one wants to hear from me about that, and I don't want to hear about how "awesome" you are as a parent. Shove it. If I have questions, I'll ask someone like my sister. Thanks.
No, I go on BabyCenter to debate. Not strict debating like this:
Team one, you have 3 minutes to debate whether or not aborting a fetus due to severe chromosomal abnormalities is ethical. Team two, you have 3 minutes for rebuttal.
Nope. It looks more like this:
1. Someone posts the question.
2. Someone posts an answer.
3. A new person comes in and tells the original poster and first poster that they are awful human beings who murder children and should repent of their sins.
4. More people join, some with great scientific evidence (complete with references), others with "I know so and so who knows so and so, and they did THIS, so you all are WRONG"
5. People start getting so mad that they forget how to spell and start spouting off hateful "You all are bitches!" language
6. Those who get overly angry and defensive are then mocked by the snarky users.
(I may or may not participate in the snarky category)
Whatever. I don't care what your opinions are - I just want to have a nice, juicy debate that helps my mind work a little overtime. If I get some fun out of it, then my day is complete. It may sound silly, but I've really missed getting my snarky-ness out of my system. I really don't say anything on there that I wouldn't say in real life, so I am still pretty true to myself.
I will say, though, that I am so sick of the following things when it comes to motherhood:
1. Competition: Everyone's child is the BEST. Jack did this...well, Jill did THIS! Oh, you aren't cloth diapering...do you know how that ruins the environment? Why are you using a jumperoo...don't you just want to hold them? My thoughts: I do.not.care. how you raise your child. Please do not give me advice that I do not ask for. If I am curious, don't worry, I will ask you. You can also count on me to not tell you how to raise your kid. Thanks.
2. Working: OMG, you're back at work already?!...How can you leave her at daycare?...Don't you just wish you could stay home all day and cuddle with her, and teach her, and just spend wonderful time with her? My thoughts: First, quit asking me "are you always going to work, or are you saving up to stay at home". No one has ever asked Michael that question, have they? Oh no, because I have a vagina only I get the questions of "are you going to stay home". Dear society - quit assuming that because I pushed her out means I will stay home with her, and quit assuming that if a Dad stays home full time means that he doesn't have balls or ambition.
3. Society: Now that I am a mom, gender roles in society piss me off times 100. I discussed a little bit of this in #2 of this post, but also in previous posts. The expectations that women need to meet as mothers and caretakers are astronomical in nature compared to their male counterparts. I am tired of the assumption that I HAVE to work (I happen to really like my job, and I'm damn good at it), and I am also tired of people assuming that I don't have time to spend with Naomi, or making snide comments that "someone else is raising your child". That statement turns me into a raging lunatic. I hate the looks of judgement that I get when I say that Naomi is with a daycare instead of a private nanny. Basically, I am tired of society putting all of these expectations on me, just because I have a uterus.
It sure sounds like I am bitter. Don't worry, I'm not. I love my life, my daughter makes me really freaking happy, and my husband is fantastic. What I don't love is the mold that I'm expected to adhere to. I stand behind no man - I stand next to him. No man is a master of my home - we are masters together. No person will ever tell my daughter things that are "expected of her" just because she is a woman, like "don't do that, it's not lady-like". Stupid. She can do anything she pleases - sons and daughters should be held to the same standards, not "boys will be boys" vs. "be ladylike".
I would love to study the psychology of the feminist movement, and how it is continuously evolving even today. When you stop to think about it, women are still held to a different standard to men, just like other groups are held to a different standard than the "white boys club".
That's a whole other blog post. This little lady needs to get to bed - it's not ladylike to stay up this late without a chaperon.
No, I go on BabyCenter to debate. Not strict debating like this:
Team one, you have 3 minutes to debate whether or not aborting a fetus due to severe chromosomal abnormalities is ethical. Team two, you have 3 minutes for rebuttal.
Nope. It looks more like this:
1. Someone posts the question.
2. Someone posts an answer.
3. A new person comes in and tells the original poster and first poster that they are awful human beings who murder children and should repent of their sins.
4. More people join, some with great scientific evidence (complete with references), others with "I know so and so who knows so and so, and they did THIS, so you all are WRONG"
5. People start getting so mad that they forget how to spell and start spouting off hateful "You all are bitches!" language
6. Those who get overly angry and defensive are then mocked by the snarky users.
(I may or may not participate in the snarky category)
Whatever. I don't care what your opinions are - I just want to have a nice, juicy debate that helps my mind work a little overtime. If I get some fun out of it, then my day is complete. It may sound silly, but I've really missed getting my snarky-ness out of my system. I really don't say anything on there that I wouldn't say in real life, so I am still pretty true to myself.
I will say, though, that I am so sick of the following things when it comes to motherhood:
1. Competition: Everyone's child is the BEST. Jack did this...well, Jill did THIS! Oh, you aren't cloth diapering...do you know how that ruins the environment? Why are you using a jumperoo...don't you just want to hold them? My thoughts: I do.not.care. how you raise your child. Please do not give me advice that I do not ask for. If I am curious, don't worry, I will ask you. You can also count on me to not tell you how to raise your kid. Thanks.
2. Working: OMG, you're back at work already?!...How can you leave her at daycare?...Don't you just wish you could stay home all day and cuddle with her, and teach her, and just spend wonderful time with her? My thoughts: First, quit asking me "are you always going to work, or are you saving up to stay at home". No one has ever asked Michael that question, have they? Oh no, because I have a vagina only I get the questions of "are you going to stay home". Dear society - quit assuming that because I pushed her out means I will stay home with her, and quit assuming that if a Dad stays home full time means that he doesn't have balls or ambition.
3. Society: Now that I am a mom, gender roles in society piss me off times 100. I discussed a little bit of this in #2 of this post, but also in previous posts. The expectations that women need to meet as mothers and caretakers are astronomical in nature compared to their male counterparts. I am tired of the assumption that I HAVE to work (I happen to really like my job, and I'm damn good at it), and I am also tired of people assuming that I don't have time to spend with Naomi, or making snide comments that "someone else is raising your child". That statement turns me into a raging lunatic. I hate the looks of judgement that I get when I say that Naomi is with a daycare instead of a private nanny. Basically, I am tired of society putting all of these expectations on me, just because I have a uterus.
It sure sounds like I am bitter. Don't worry, I'm not. I love my life, my daughter makes me really freaking happy, and my husband is fantastic. What I don't love is the mold that I'm expected to adhere to. I stand behind no man - I stand next to him. No man is a master of my home - we are masters together. No person will ever tell my daughter things that are "expected of her" just because she is a woman, like "don't do that, it's not lady-like". Stupid. She can do anything she pleases - sons and daughters should be held to the same standards, not "boys will be boys" vs. "be ladylike".
I would love to study the psychology of the feminist movement, and how it is continuously evolving even today. When you stop to think about it, women are still held to a different standard to men, just like other groups are held to a different standard than the "white boys club".
That's a whole other blog post. This little lady needs to get to bed - it's not ladylike to stay up this late without a chaperon.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thank God my road looks good!
Michael and I were driving to a BBQ in Summerlin on Saturday. It was beautiful out! I was getting over the flu, so I was obviously a little more feisty than usual.
So, we're just taking a leisurely drive along the north 95, and Michael makes the comment "Oh, the gravel area around the on and off ramps look really nice! It must be the federal roadway beautification project or whatever it is called."
Um...what?
Now, I understand the Nevada Recovery Road project program - we're getting some pretty crappy roads re-paved, giving some much needed infrastructure relief while providing jobs. I think that's great, and we will continue to look at the infrastructure of our country. That's not what I am talking about.
Oh no, I'm talking about the nice desert landscape that ushers our vehicles along our long trek from one highway to another - that long, 0.25 (or less) drive that can leave families fighting because they have nothing pretty to look at. We're not talking one or two cacti hanging out, waving at your car as you drive by - no, we're talking about two cacti hanging out, having a beer, watching a couple of strippers make out while pole dancing. We are, in fact, all about entertainment in this community.
I understand providing jobs. But landscaping? A roadway? Not even a roadway, just a piece of land that you look at when you are driving a horseshoe between highways. Someone is just going to crash into it anyway! Or it will be swept off during a monsoon because the people in this city are piss-poor planners and 'forgot' to create a drainage system! Is it really necessary to provide a positive aesthetic when less than 10 miles away you have a tent city that houses men, women, and children - yes, children - because they have nothing to eat, and no place to stay.
Why have we become a society of people who concentrate on "important" matters, like what things look like, and how people view us? Have we become so materialistic that we forget that so many of our fellow human beings are dying everyday of hunger (not only in this country, but around the world)? Maybe we can buy one less plant to put in that gravel - use that money for food, and those workers you hired? Pay them to hand out food! Eureka!! You now are providing a service, a needed service, for the American people, AND you are providing jobs.
But, I get it. Don't I understand that having plant life, pretty painted sound walls, and pristine overpasses help tourism? They help make our city look good. You're right - every tourist comes here and their first "bad" thing they see is a slightly run down overpass (not even run down - so, it looks like there has been a sun shining on it. Big deal). Right - they also run into a man, woman, or child - yes, child - handing out cards listing information about legal prostitution in our state. WOO! That makes our city look great - right along with the pictures of SWAT teams clearing out tent city and police busing homeless citizens to one part of the city to keep them quarantined. Don't want the nice visitor folk to see that we have problems in this city!
I'm sorry, I just must be ungrateful for what I have - you're right. I am so very thankful that I got to see beautiful, painted overpasses on the way to my afternoon cookout. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Whew, it's a good thing this city and state know how to treat their citizens - they even entertain us in the car. What was I thinking? I'll cease my critical thinking skills and just assume that our politicians and government officials are actually looking out for everyone's best interest. It's seems like the popular thing to do these days.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
You gotta own it, people.
So today I had a great lunch with a colleague that I haven't seen in a long time. She and I are pretty similar, and we had some great conversations over Cafe Rio (which is not on the list of Weight Watchers-friendly foods, but I didn't care today).
Anyway, we talked about how people do not take responsibility for their personalities, actions, reactions, etc. People just don't say, "Yes, I did that. I made a mistake" or "This isn't my strength, but I will work on it." Things like StrengthsQuest overly focuses on a person's strengths. It's great to talk about that, but it is also important that we challenge ourselves. It builds character.
Anyway, there are things that I would like to "own". Everyone should come up with a list, for sure. Own who you are. Be proud of what you do well. Continue to work on things that you need to improve upon. Don't stay stagnant. Figure out what you can do to make your world, or the world of another person, a better place. Be HONEST when you make a mistake. Apologize, even when you don't think you should. Sometimes taking the high road builds character and supports integrity.
So, here is what I own:
1. I own that I suck at sending cards and gifts. Apparently, it's hard for me to send it out. I can purchase a card, sign it, stamp it, address it, and then it sits on my counter for a week. On average, all cards are at least a week late. Everyone in my family knows this. I continually try to improve it, but I still suck at it. By the way, Andy/Laura, Cassie/Devin, and Shane/Jessi, I have your wedding gifts, but I haven't sent them out yet. I know, you got married 2 months ago. Sorry.
2. I can be overdramatic. That's pretty self explanatory. For a little while, little problems can seem like HUGE problems to me. I just need some time to work through them.
3. I own the fact that when I see a woman who is not independent, depends on a man for everything, and stands behind a man because he is "the head of the family", I get pissed off. Own that you are a woman, have great ideas, and can be self sufficient. You don't need a freaking man to be complete. Get your shit together.
4. I own the fact that I use humor and sarcasm to break up work days, conflict, and stressful situations. People say I'm funny - that's awesome, because we all need to laugh each day. Things can always get worse.
5. I own the fact that I can be judgemental. I can judge people who don't wear clothes that suit their body type (larger ladies, please don't wear belly shirts. Thanks.). I can judge people who think that they are superior. I can judge people for having habitually shitty attitudes. Take that crap somewhere else. And if you say that you don't judge people, you are a freaking liar. And I own the fact that I called you a liar.
6. I own that I can be brutally honest. You never have to guess where you stand with me. I sometimes cross the line, which will be followed by an apology. I also wear my emotions on my face. If I'm pissed, you'll know it.
7. I own that I can sometimes share too much information. Case in point: when I was pregnant, people asked how I was feeling. I would tell them, in detail, how I was feeling. Many stopped asking at that point. My philosophy is that if you don't REALLY want to know, don't freaking ask. I also own the fact while I love my daughter, I hated being pregnant. I don't look forward to doing it again.
8. I own the fact that I don't blindly follow what I'm told. I will think critically, and take your argument apart. I also own that I sometimes shove other people's opinions down their throat. I'm working on that.
9. I own that I discredit your argument if you quote Fox News. Sorry. (But that also includes most media outlets these days - everyone is so freaking biased. Everyone just needs to do their own freaking research).
10. I own that we make decisions that is in the best interest for our daughter. If that doesn't meet "perfect mother" standards, kiss it.
11. I own that it's ok to choose to be crabby. Just don't let it run your life.
12. I own that I don't wash my hair every day. I own that I don't shave every day. Priorities.
13. I own the fact that sometimes I go to bed without dinner because I am too tired to make anything. Yes, I know it's not healthy. No, I don't care. Thanks.
14. I own that I have body issues, and that I hate the way I look and feel physically. I have no confidence when it comes to my physical appearance. Now, my wit, professionalism, integrity, ethics, and character? Yeah, I freaking rock.
15. I own the fact that I won't poop in a public bathroom, even if I have to wait all freaking day.
16. I own that I've made grave mistakes in my past, but those mistakes don't define me.
17. I own the fact that we don't recycle. I know, we are earth-haters that are contributing to the downfall of society and our earth. I'm contributing to the death of our children.
18. I own that I feel like I am not making a difference in the lives of students. I try and try and try, but it feels like a drop in a large bucket.
19. I own the fact that sometimes I go to bed wondering if I am doing the right things for Naomi.
20. I own the fact that I am a working mother. I like working. No, I don't secretly wish I could quit my job. I love my job. I own that my only identity is not Michael's wife, or Naomi's mother. I own that I'm a pretty kick-ass professional who works hard to balance responsibilities, and a great friend. I create my own identity, and that includes being Michael's wife and Naomi's mom.
21. I own the fact that I curse like a sailor. And that I have a hard time toning it down. It's a work in progress. And I own that I am way loud.
22. I own the fact that this list is turning into a "This is what I think, bitches!" post. :)
23. I also own that I suck at blog writing lately.
People, I encourage you to own it. Embrace who you are, your opinions, and your decisions. Continue developing yourself. Help others develop. Next time you are mad, take a deep breath. Remember that life could be much worse. Don't let anyone tell you your feelings are not right or valid.
This has been the word of Megan. Do with it as you please.
Anyway, we talked about how people do not take responsibility for their personalities, actions, reactions, etc. People just don't say, "Yes, I did that. I made a mistake" or "This isn't my strength, but I will work on it." Things like StrengthsQuest overly focuses on a person's strengths. It's great to talk about that, but it is also important that we challenge ourselves. It builds character.
Anyway, there are things that I would like to "own". Everyone should come up with a list, for sure. Own who you are. Be proud of what you do well. Continue to work on things that you need to improve upon. Don't stay stagnant. Figure out what you can do to make your world, or the world of another person, a better place. Be HONEST when you make a mistake. Apologize, even when you don't think you should. Sometimes taking the high road builds character and supports integrity.
So, here is what I own:
1. I own that I suck at sending cards and gifts. Apparently, it's hard for me to send it out. I can purchase a card, sign it, stamp it, address it, and then it sits on my counter for a week. On average, all cards are at least a week late. Everyone in my family knows this. I continually try to improve it, but I still suck at it. By the way, Andy/Laura, Cassie/Devin, and Shane/Jessi, I have your wedding gifts, but I haven't sent them out yet. I know, you got married 2 months ago. Sorry.
2. I can be overdramatic. That's pretty self explanatory. For a little while, little problems can seem like HUGE problems to me. I just need some time to work through them.
3. I own the fact that when I see a woman who is not independent, depends on a man for everything, and stands behind a man because he is "the head of the family", I get pissed off. Own that you are a woman, have great ideas, and can be self sufficient. You don't need a freaking man to be complete. Get your shit together.
4. I own the fact that I use humor and sarcasm to break up work days, conflict, and stressful situations. People say I'm funny - that's awesome, because we all need to laugh each day. Things can always get worse.
5. I own the fact that I can be judgemental. I can judge people who don't wear clothes that suit their body type (larger ladies, please don't wear belly shirts. Thanks.). I can judge people who think that they are superior. I can judge people for having habitually shitty attitudes. Take that crap somewhere else. And if you say that you don't judge people, you are a freaking liar. And I own the fact that I called you a liar.
6. I own that I can be brutally honest. You never have to guess where you stand with me. I sometimes cross the line, which will be followed by an apology. I also wear my emotions on my face. If I'm pissed, you'll know it.
7. I own that I can sometimes share too much information. Case in point: when I was pregnant, people asked how I was feeling. I would tell them, in detail, how I was feeling. Many stopped asking at that point. My philosophy is that if you don't REALLY want to know, don't freaking ask. I also own the fact while I love my daughter, I hated being pregnant. I don't look forward to doing it again.
8. I own the fact that I don't blindly follow what I'm told. I will think critically, and take your argument apart. I also own that I sometimes shove other people's opinions down their throat. I'm working on that.
9. I own that I discredit your argument if you quote Fox News. Sorry. (But that also includes most media outlets these days - everyone is so freaking biased. Everyone just needs to do their own freaking research).
10. I own that we make decisions that is in the best interest for our daughter. If that doesn't meet "perfect mother" standards, kiss it.
11. I own that it's ok to choose to be crabby. Just don't let it run your life.
12. I own that I don't wash my hair every day. I own that I don't shave every day. Priorities.
13. I own the fact that sometimes I go to bed without dinner because I am too tired to make anything. Yes, I know it's not healthy. No, I don't care. Thanks.
14. I own that I have body issues, and that I hate the way I look and feel physically. I have no confidence when it comes to my physical appearance. Now, my wit, professionalism, integrity, ethics, and character? Yeah, I freaking rock.
15. I own the fact that I won't poop in a public bathroom, even if I have to wait all freaking day.
16. I own that I've made grave mistakes in my past, but those mistakes don't define me.
17. I own the fact that we don't recycle. I know, we are earth-haters that are contributing to the downfall of society and our earth. I'm contributing to the death of our children.
18. I own that I feel like I am not making a difference in the lives of students. I try and try and try, but it feels like a drop in a large bucket.
19. I own the fact that sometimes I go to bed wondering if I am doing the right things for Naomi.
20. I own the fact that I am a working mother. I like working. No, I don't secretly wish I could quit my job. I love my job. I own that my only identity is not Michael's wife, or Naomi's mother. I own that I'm a pretty kick-ass professional who works hard to balance responsibilities, and a great friend. I create my own identity, and that includes being Michael's wife and Naomi's mom.
21. I own the fact that I curse like a sailor. And that I have a hard time toning it down. It's a work in progress. And I own that I am way loud.
22. I own the fact that this list is turning into a "This is what I think, bitches!" post. :)
23. I also own that I suck at blog writing lately.
People, I encourage you to own it. Embrace who you are, your opinions, and your decisions. Continue developing yourself. Help others develop. Next time you are mad, take a deep breath. Remember that life could be much worse. Don't let anyone tell you your feelings are not right or valid.
This has been the word of Megan. Do with it as you please.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)